[Be kind. I am not a writer, just a transparent soul who wants to share her story.]
It’s a funny thing sometimes.
A change in perspective
will change a barren wasteland
into a field of opportunity.
A change in perspective
will change a bleak, dark room
into a place of sweet rest.
You see, at times the worst things can be the sweetest blessings.
Allow me to begin where I should…at the beginning.
Our LOVE story was picture perfect [you can read it here].
After 10 years of wedded bliss and THREE beautiful kids…I still reminded my hubby on a daily basis that our family needed JUST ONE MORE sweet babe.
When we first wed we had agreed that FOUR, if the Lord allowed it, was the number of children we desired to have.
However, with 3 babes in less than 4 years, my sweet fella was ready to step OFF the baby making train.
I was ready for a time out too.
Our hands were FULL and we were beyond blessed.
that feeling that our family was not yet complete continued to nag at me and we decided not to do anything permanent until we were SURE.
Fast forward to February 2011.
Quickly approaching my thirtieth birthday baby talk had been happening again and we were both unsure, but ready if the Lord allowed it.
In March we were surprised to find out we were expecting…so much for waiting to be SURE it was what was the “right time” for our busy family.
We were overjoyed.
Really words could not express how thrilled we were.
It wasn’t until I saw those two pink lines that I realized how badly I wanted this sweet babe.
We quickly shared the good news with family and friends and they shared in our JOY.
If only I had known that I should have been preparing for heartbreak…we wouldn’t have told a soul.
The first week of May I was out for my evening run and was having some side pain.
One of my girlfriends encouraged me to go to the ER “just in case” and drove me there herself.
I will forever be grateful to Holly for spending that evening with me in the ER.
For squeezing me while I cried and for praying over me, asking our sweet Father for overwhelming grace and peace as my world felt like it was falling out from beneath me.
I was told that my hcg levels were high but they were seeing no baby. I was counseled and asked if I wanted wanted a DNC.
I was shocked.
What if they were wrong?
Showing no signs of miscarrying I decided to go home and talk with my husband and trust God.
We went back to the hospital 7 times in the next 3 weeks.
In those weeks people congratulated us on our new addition and we plastered a smile on our faces and pretended that all was well.
Morning sickness had kicked in.
My numbers continued to rise.
And still no baby.
We were devastated.
Still hoping at every visit that our sweet babe would appear.
It never did.
The doctors said it was a blighted ovum.
I ended up having emergency surgery, due to some complications, the first week of June 2011.
I didn’t know what to feel OR say.
Every time we told someone the look in their eyes mirrored our grief.
It was one of the hardest months of my life.
and yet…we survived.
With many, MANY prayers prayed on our behalf and the LOVE from [what seemed like] a million friends, we came out on the other side intact.
A closer family.
A stronger faith.
I can honestly say I am so thankful for the experience.
Would I do it again? NO.
Am I thankful I had a teachable spirit and can now minister to women who go through a similar heartbreak? YES.
Ultimately, the loss of our pregnancy pointed us to Christ and spurred in us a confirmation that we needed to grow our family
…by just ONE more.
A sneak at Part Two coming soon.